It's Mother's Day weekend so you can easily guess what is high on my gratitude chart! Today, it's simply MOTHERHOOD (#16). If you know me well, or have followed my blog for a while, then you know that becoming a mother was no small feat for me.
I married the Mr. Wonderful when I was 34 and we struggled with infertility for years before deciding that adoption was right for us....and then the adoption took almost two years from start to finish. By the time we brought sweet Sophia home, I was literally a bundle of raw nerves popping anti-depressants and swigging Russian beer. Quickly, we settled into a routine that revolved completely around the child [hmmm...this hasn't changed much] and opened my eyes to REAL unconditional love.
Before becoming a mother I thought I understood what love was, but my definition was skewed. Now, I am not certain that you can love another adult unconditionally. If my husband were abusive and neglectful and another twenty adjectives describing a crappy spouse, would and could I love him unconditionally? I'm not sure, but I doubt it.
I have friends I love and have loved dearly. The one who stabbed me in the back? The compulsive liar? The crazy drug addicted one who gets on my nerves with her constant neediness? Not still my pals. This certainly isn't unconditional.
Pets? I've loved pets through the years. I've tolerated litter boxes, fur on my bedspread, and mangled corners of furniture. And then there was Skittles 2.0. You remember the cat who thought it was fun to pee on every surface in my home? I had his ass gassed. Sure, it was a great excuse to get a new sofa and replace rugs, but unconditional? Um, no.
Parent/child relationships are different. Parent screws up; kid moves on; relationship grows and vice versa. Every day she hurts my feelings and causes me to question my motives - and my sanity - but would I STOP being her Mama? Never. My heart is overflowing with the love and affection I have for my daughter and as we approach the adoption of #2, I am praying that I'll grow up to be the person Sophie already thinks I am.
Happy Mother's Day weekend!